weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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