No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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