Ambien. No doubt about it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
