but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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