He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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