sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
