He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
