I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize