My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
