Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
