bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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