Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
