would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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