i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
