You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
