I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
