just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
