just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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