I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
