note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
