I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
