Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
