just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
