He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
