I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i drank out of a bidet.
You have to summon your inner elephant
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
