So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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