i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
