My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
