my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
