Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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