She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
