arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just googled if crying burns calories
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
