Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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