oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
