fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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