umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
