And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
