Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
