You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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