I can tuck mytits in my pants
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
