What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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