Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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