you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
