I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
