there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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