Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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