I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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