So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize