hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And then he peed in my hair
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