and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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