Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
