and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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