I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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