Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
