So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
