Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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