the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
