He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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