So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
