***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what day is it and did you see me today?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
