I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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