i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
