Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize