i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
