My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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