I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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