The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
