It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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