Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
