why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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