I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
